“No More Monkey Business” - Says ARRL Contest Manager A recent undercover operation has exposed some questionable operating techniques at big gun contesting stations. Posing as visiting operators, our reporters presented ARRL with videos of operators wearing adult diapers to maximize operating time, taking Red Bull intravenously and, most disturbingly, using trained monkeys to operate digital modes. ARRL Contest Manager, Dwayne “Dupe” Checker, K1NFW, said he had thought such stories were just tall tales, but the secret footage clearly shows monkeys making digital contacts during the recent ARRL digital contest. In an announcement from ARRL HQ he stated, “We simply cannot allow this monkey business to continue. We are hams, not monkeys!” But the station owner in question said there is no requirement in the rules that an operator must be a human. “Besides, the monkeys all passed their Technician exam, which thankfully was multiple choice, so with so many monkeys taking the test, it was just a matter of time. We just happened to be first.” The ARRL complaint is now going to court in what is expected to be the most watched monkey court case since ‘Monkey #13 vs Michael Jackson.’ Mr. Checker, speaking from ARRL’s Newington CT headquarters, and surrounded by a team of celebrity lawyers, said, “We have to do this. Our membership expects us to do this. If we let monkeys operate digital modes - what’s next? CW? What if we have parrots saying ’59 Florida’ in SSB contests? It’s not right. It’s not natural. It’s not REAL HAM RADIO and it’s not going to happen!” Monitor this website for daily updates from the courtroom. The trial is set to start April 1, 2023. - Adrian VE7NZ, reporting from ARRL HQ, Newington CT. The DIPOLE - the Worlds finest Amateur Radio News Source, like a Dipole there are two sides to every story, we ignore those sides, digging deeper for unwanted lobes and parasitic reactions |
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